This Should Knock Your Socks Off

The Begining of the End

My company is closing in about a month. This has been quite hard for me. I have been here since my move to Joisey in 2000. I have worked with a lot of different people. A lot. I have learned a lot of things here, computer-wise and people wise. I got into a groove. I've been fortunate to have had (mostly) cool supervisors. There were one or two that I didn't quite see eye to eye with, but that's to be expected. I had a lot of great coworkers too. When they closed my department in April a lot of them were stunned. A couple cried.  They got rid of everyone but me and Thom. Two hours later they told us they were closing the site. I was stunned. My routine was about to be busted. I don't want to sound conceded but I'm kind of an important guy in my place. I know the routine inside and out and sometimes even the head of the site comes to me with a problem I might be able to help him with. And 90% of the time I do. I have had a key and a code to the alarm for years. I can pretty much do as I please. I know that no matter where I go I won't have the freedoms I have here. I won't know anything and I won't be the man with all the answers. Honestly, this kinda scares me. It blows being the new guy. What if the new place expects me to break my ass for ten hours a day? What if my co-workers suck? What if my boss is an spackatrd? It's a lot to think about.

Friday the company let about 12 people go. One of them was the dude you see pictured with Mags here. His name is Tim. I consider Tim a good friend. He was really the first person to bother with me when I went to work there. He taught me how to use the shipping computers and the crazy-ass method by which the company did business. He introduced me to the folks in the office and helped me with all the heavy lifting. Tim has a very strong personality and certainly has his own way of doing things. He has been to our home a few times and we have been out to dinner with him. I can't say enough good stuff about this guy. When I was passing by on Friday he stopped me and told me he was cut loose. I know we will all be out of a job but the finality of it sucks. Tim was with the company for 17 years. He, like me, has to start over. I gave him a hug and told him not to worry but he seemed upset. He quickly packed his workstation and was gone. I was told he was crying when he called another coworker to tell him he was let go. I feel bad for everyone. A company takes what they need from you and then tells you you are no longer needed. 

When I started here in 200 there were probably 100 people working there, when I go in tomorrow there may be ten. How the times have changed. Sometimes change is good, I hope this change is.

Her Cock May Be Gone, But She's Still Fowl

So last night I attended a court mandated mediation session for my rooster problem. I file d complaint in late October against the Slag regarding the rooster. Many people surrounding us called the township and complained and of course, nothing was done. Let me fill you in...I took a half-day from work to go to the court to file a 'formal' complaint. I went into the department and was greeted by the head of said department and told him my desire to file. The person who was supposed to be 'handling' this came walking in as I was speaking with his boss. He asked me what it was in regards to and when he heard the Slag's name his ears pricked forward. Our conversation went like this...

OfficerDoNothing: "ahh..just let me go talk to her...maybe.."

Meself: (firmly not looking at him) "no."

ODN: "but maybe if I.."

Meself (again cutting him off) "No. We've tried this option. It apparently doesnt work."

ODN: "I just think.."

Meself (again with the cutting off) I fixed him with a look and said "Look, the woman is just going to say we're harassing her, threaten to sue everyone in the free nation and you'll walk away mumbling under your breath, kicking any cat or rodent you happen to pass on the roadand drive away wishing you worked for the State department. I took time off from work to come here and resolve this. I am NOT leaving here until a complaint is filed in court." He shrugged and started to speak again and again I had to give him what Mags calls 'thelook'. I grabbed a pen from my pocket and scribbled down the name of the blog I created with aforementioned rooster busting our sleep groove before 6am. 

ODN: "She says the rooster is in a 'light-proof' box and doesn't crow until after 9am."

His boss looks at me and I give him the look that says I'm ready to file. So I do and as I'm filing, my neighbor on the other side of the Slag comes in and files his own complaint. Against her rooster and her ducks. Yes 5 of them now. 

So this leads me up to last night. I arrive at the court house at 7pm and am supposed to meet with my good neighbor, the Slag and of course a mediator. I arrive to find the room locked and start to panic, thinking this was cancelled and I was out of the loop. I poke my head into a room to see an older man sitting at a table. I say "excuse me do you work here?" He tells me "yes I'm a mediator." 

I tell him I'm here to see him and he tells me to take a seat. We converse for a few minutes. We talk about guy stuff. Our families, the outrageous taxes we pay in New Jersey. He tells me about his kids who have fled the state and I tell him about my family who, for the most part reside in Rhode Island. We have a nice exchange and he glances at his watch a few times and then says. "I guess nobody wants to do this."

I tell him I drive right past both parties house and they are both home. I even stopped at my good neighbors house to remind him of the time. His daughter tells me he is in the shower and she'll remind him. 

So at about ten after 7, when I think the mediator is gonna wrap it up I look up and there in the door, looking like an extra from a zombie-whore from hell movie is you-know-who. She is attached to her youngest offspring. I notice her yank the kids arm and on cue, the little wisp of a girl says in her best 'more gruel pleeease' voice, "you can't make me get rid of my ducks they are my pets....I feed them by hand..I raised them." Cute by so very,very obviously staged. I stand and clap and hand her the Oscar...no really..I didn't But I do think I was caught rolling my eyes.

So the mediator tells Slag the kiddo cannot be in the room, as this is between me and her. The Slag plays games and thinks she will be bullying her way past this kindly older gentleman. However, Mike will have none of her shite. He tells her politely but firmly the kid cannot be in. Right on cue Slag-o-Matic starts whining that she knows her rights and that "this is harassment!". Mike tells her he is an officer of the court and she will obied by the rules of this court. She opens her mouth to protest and he folds his hands and says "Okay I'll just tell the Judge you weren't interested in mediation.."

She is taken aback and starts to talk again. I sit quietly with maybe just a faint curl of a smile in the corner of my lips, watching her flail. I love this shit....

"Look Ms. Spacktard, you can do mediation or not. Did you bring someone to watch the little girl or no?"

"No."

The man is obviously a good guy and he looks down at the little one and says "Can you sit very quietly while the adults talk?" She nods yes and he tells her what a good girl she is and the session begins. He tells me to go first. I said something to this effect. 

Meself: "Look I'm here because of the rooster. It starts crowing every morning at sunrise and wakes up me and my wife and I'm sure everyone around it."

Mediator: "Okay..about what time is this? 6? 7?"

Meself: "Yes. every morningat sunrise. I do have video if we need to see it."

Mediator (to the Slag): "Is this true?"

Slag: Licking her lips "I would like nothing more than to throw your ass on the floor and ride you like the bull at Mickey Gilleys."

Okay she didn't say that. I just made that up. here's what really happened.

Slag: "Yes this is true...every morning. Very early" waving her hand lazily like it's really no big deal. she continues.. "My youngest boy, he rescue rooster. It was going to be killed so he brought it home. we take care of it.."

Meself: "My concern is this, my wife has health issues. Artificial heart valve, she's a cancer survivor, she has skin cancer now. She needs  her rest. She's not getting it. My wife is my number one concern and this is a problem we need to resolve."

Slag: "Yes. We have family meeting and we decide to send rooster away. He is on a farm now."

At this point I jump up and pump my fist in the air and start dancing circles around her, poking her in the chest saying "youyouyouyouyouyouyouyouyouyou" as fast as I can. 
No I didn't do that, but that would've been funny right?

Mediator: "So the rooster is gone?"

Slag: "Yes. And he's so happy."

Mediator: (realising what a true wing-nut he's dealing with) "and are you guys going to visit it?"

Slag: "Oh yes we will go to the farm..."

So the mediator looks at both of us and asks if we both are agreeable to tonight's session. We both say yes and we sign a paper. Before we go I fix the Slag with a look and say the following "Ms. Gooberstein, you must understand I have no ill feelings towards you, I really don't. But as your kids are your priority, my wife is mine. And this is something that needed to be taken care of."

She just kind of looked at me and then said "okay." and that was it. So there you have it. Now while I kinda wish it was her that went to the farm, I am very relieved that the rooster is gone. 

and I got home in time to see House.

I May Not Have Fall, But I'm Paying $1.89 For Gas

That's right suckas, $1.89 for a gallon of unleaded. Right here at the QuickCheck. 

On another note, CrazyDog was grrrrr-oomed today at our local PetSmart. His humanfriend Jamie, who clips him all the time did a fine job on him.

Weather is changing fast, dropping temps and a gusty northerly wind is keeping all indoors. Except for CrazyDog who enjoys being out of doors in the cold. Matter o' fact, the colder the better. 

I Hate You Mother Nature

So here in Central Jersey, right on the Atlantic seaboard, we are experiencing rain. Heavy, torrential , drowning rain. It rains here quite a bit in the later months of the year. Just as it rains all throughout the New Jersey 'spring'. Don't even get me going on what this weather is doing to my poor old back. yikes pass the vikes.

Note the  little mark thingies around the word "spring"..there I go again...

I am a New Englander transplanted here to Joisey and the thing I miss most about living in New England is the seasons. 'What?' say you, no seasons in New Jersey? Everyone has four seasons, except for maybe the folks on the Equator. 

Here in my little plot of the planet, I experience only two seasons. Summer and Winter. Our 'Fall' consists of two days of leaves falling and 45 days of rain and temps in the 60's. It did snow a couple of weeks ago, before Halloween. Heavy wet snow. Didn't stick to the roads but it fell all day and looked nice doing so. But it was my kind of snow. It didn't stick around.

It is supposed to rain all day and all night into tomorrow. And be in the 60's. What kind of freakin' Fall is that? Fall is temps in the 40's and 50's, the smell of wood stoves burning, kids diving into leave piles and said leaves falling gently from their trees, drifting idyllically to the ground. Not being ripped from their branches by a monsoon. This will continue until about Thanksgiving, at which point the temperature will drop 40 degrees in two hours and we will be frozen to the ground until March, when the rains will come back again. It will rain and be in the 60's until late May when the temperature will rocket up 40 degrees and we will bake until..well..Ocotber, and the whole cycle will begin anew. 

Tell Me Your Kidding

"Jesus, Marty...I'm not ready for this.."

Which is what the caption should read. The Main Man in Joisey is going to be out for up to four freakin' months because he needs surgery to repair the distal bicept in his left elbow. BTW, a distal bicep rupture occurs when the tendon connecting the bicep muscle to the elbow is severed, causing the muscle to break away from the bone. (Holy Crap!!)

The Devs will have to now rely on Kevin Weekes and Scott Clemmensen. Okay these boys can both stop the speeding biscuit but really, and please guys do not take offense to this, they are not Marty Brodeur. But there is only one Marty. And the Devils system has been riding the Martster for many many years and in my honest opinion have kinda failed to develope themselves a back-up goalie or two.

In 1990 they passed on Trevor Kidd and snapped up Marty..along with Mike Dunham and Corey Schwab in the same freakin' draft. Mike and Corey now having gone their own ways...we are back to Marty.

If their is any bright spot on this dismal situation is that the innjury happened early. Kev-o will come in with a GAA at just about 3, and Scott Clemmensen is hoveering at 2.5 GAA. Which really isn't awful for this day and age in the faster, stronger NHL.

So good luck Kevin and get well soon Marty!

Who Doesn't Want to Work Here?

I am speaking, of course about Seattle Grace Memorial Hospital. It's in Seattle, it's on the water, all the rooms have beautiful views, it's in a perfectly safe neighborhood, they have the very best docs in the country and best of all, all the attendings and interns are horndogs.

Really, if you cannot get laid working here, you should just throw in your scrubs and join the nunnery. Or priesthood. Whoops, bad example there. You'll definitely see action in the priesthood.

When the show first debuted it was Meridith 'Whiney-ass' Grey and doctor Derek 'McDreamy' Sheperd. There was Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens and Alex 'Angry' Karev. Later on it became Christine Yang and Dr. Preston Burke. Am I missing anyone? Doesn't matter...Over the last couple of season you needed a scorecard to follow the adventures of these trollops.

Georgie O'Malley was puttin' it to Nurse Harper..who gave him Syphilis...which she actually got from Dr. Karev.

When Meridith briefly stopped boinking the good doctor Sheperd, she was snaking (pun intended) Dr. Finn Dandridge, the hunky vet that was caring for her dog.

Introduce steamy Calle whatshername, who happened to be living in the basement of the hospital. George spies her dancing in her tighty-whities and then does the logical thing. He flies her out to Vegas and ties the knot. Soon after that, he and the missus have a spat and next thing you know, Georgie is having a roll with Izzie...or was it Meridith? Actually it was both...just not at the same time.

Alex (who also had his way with Izzie and Dr. Addison, McDreamys Ex) was introduced to the 'girl with no face' and he legitimately fell for her and he, I think, was gonna make her an honest woman. Even though she was in the process of running away from her husband and baby when the ferry she was riding hit a whale and blew up. Thank goodness SGH was right there! Whef! Had my life saved, fell in love and had my face completely rebuilt....which leads us to...

Dr. Mark Sloan. Dr. McSteamy has had his share of the lassies at SGMH too. Not to mention sticking it to his on-again off-again BFF Derek Sheperd's sister Nancy, Derek's former wife, his former tennis partners wife, and I'm sure one or two ahem...candy stripers. He alas has tried many many times to convince Dr Jessice Hanh to play doctor in the on-call room and is shot down every time..but we know why...

Her loins only tingle for Doctor Torres who is mucho caliente and may or may not be interested in a little girl-on-girl action. She flips back and forth between Hahn and McSteamy. She, as of this week, is torn on the sexual menu, not knowing if it's a Meat-Stick or a Furburger that she wants. So...she keeps sleeping with Mark Sloan hoping that will help her decided. But really, the only person that's helping is the slick Dr. Sloan.

That leaves us Chistina Yang. She's cute, cold, calculating and a very good doctor. She was due to marry the pyshopathic gay-basher, Doc Preston Burke, but he felt that, aside from Spanish girls, Asains are just downright crazy...foshizzzzle... and left poor Christina at the altar. She carried on and is now bunking with oh I dunno....who ever it is she'll be doing one of them eventually. And finally...

Dr. Owen Hunt, who came into the ER and impressed Christina by performing a tracheotomy on an accident victim with a pen. He also stapled his own leg shut without anesthesia! Whoa! now that's hot! He refused a job at Seattle Grace, preferring to go back to Iraq ( duuude! She wants youuoouuu!). But he did, to Christinas happiness turn up again and has taken a job at SGMH. So after he pulls a wild turkey beak out of her chin, they sharee a kiss it's only a matter of time before he's putting the wang to Yang.

So there you go. If you need to notch medical attention and a little sumpin'sumpin', Seattle Grace is the palce to be.


*Sidenote-It was announced today that Thursday would be the last episode Dr Hahn would be in. No reason was given by the network.