Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Maybe BP is the Root of All Evil

Well things are rolling along at a placid pace here in my little slice of the scorched Atlantic corridor. We just watched the end of the PBS special regarding Sir Paul and his appearance at the White House. This guy still puts on a great show. We missed the first hour whilst catching up on "Rescue Me" but thankfully we are in a certain area of the country where we have three different PBS feeds and it will be repeated at 10 so I set up the DVR. God I love that DVR machine thingy. Technology...

Speaking of technology. I was sitting with some of my coworkers before clocking in and we were discussing the BP fiasco. I said "it is amazing that we have the technology to build a spacecraft, send that spacecraft on a five-year journey to Mars, the machine will rove the terrain of this far-away planet and even collect and analyze soil samples for goodness sakes! Why can't we fix a f**king hole in the ground??"
My coworker Tom, an older gentleman who is very cool and very wise looked at me and simply said "that's because BP didn't design the Mars Rover." So true Tom. So true.
Can you imagine if BP did design the Mars Rover? It would be gone for ten years and when it finally touched down it would be in a sand trap on a golf course in Tempe and when the soil samples came back, the folks at "BP Mission Control" would be pissing themselves with excitement because "the terrain on Mars is just like the terrain in Arizona!!" Meanwhile poor ol' retiree Albert is trying to pry the rover off his golf ball which laded in the trap ten seconds ahead of the misguided MarsCraft.
Suddenly though, as Albert is just about to wedge his new Titleist free from the foot of the Mars Rover, it would spring a leak and spray Albert with a mixture of oil and "hi-test" rocket fuel. Killing him instantly and destroying every blade of grass and living creature in the confines of the "Happy Hills Retirement Community". It would then rise up powered by the remaining fuel, spiral out of control and crash into the densest, driest parcel of forest and start a forest fire that will for all intensive purposes, destroy the entire west coast, burning it to a crisp.
Then, under intense scrutiny from everyone from the concerned citizens that are left alive, the EPA, President Obama and those yeast-infected wingnuts on 'the View', the latest in what will be a long string of successors to the BP throne will up-sticks and quit, all the while whining about how he "just wants his life back."
(As I am sure the people who died in the oil-rig explosion do.)

On top of all this, rumor has it BP was pivotal in the release of mass murderer Abdel Baset al-Megrahi, on a 'compassion' pass or something because the cock-bag supposedly had three months to live, due to prostate cancer. You'll be consumed with joy to know that a doctor has since checked Killer-Abdel out and he seems to be okay, may even live another ten years. Awesome. Just think how many more planes you can blow out of the sky in ten years. But hey, BP can drill for oil in Libya now. High-fives all around. I don't know all the details but here is an interesting article
Uggh maybe Im just angry at the crazy crap going on around with these dipshits...

Sunday, July 11, 2010

This and That

Firstly, Happy Birthday to Mags. Thursday was her B-day and as you know Ive been lazy about posting. So Happy birthday QT.

Lots going on here. Lots of stressful events which, for our privacy (and what remains of our sanity) I won't get into.

So King James is going to Miami. Do any of us give a rats ass? No. Only the people in Miami. Weird that people in Cleveland were burning LeBrons jerseys in the street. I'm like "Dude. You probably paid a hundred bucks for that Jersey!" I guess since the economy is so good people can afford to just throw money away. And If anyone feels that way, Ill send you my address and we will put it to good use. We'll probably just do something silly with it. Pay a bill, get prescription medicines, you know....we're kooky like that.

It finally rained yesterday. Granted it was only for an hour or so but the Earth here in Jersey is literally scorched. We have a water basin next to my place of employment that is usually a couple of feet deep, complete with Canadian Geese, little swallows flitting down to snipe water-bugs and of course, hundreds of the tiniest frogs I've ever seen. By Friday it was nothing but a dried layer of pond scum sitting on the ground. There is a 'water restriction' in our town, so watering can only be done by hand-held hose or watering can. I'm sneaky and put the sprinkler out back, but only for ten minutes or so. Just to keep the grass from combusting.

Work has been a little crazy. For one thing there is no A/C. And by ten am it is about 90 degrees inside. Don't even ask what it's like by 130 or 2. I'm usually soaked with sweat(Sexy right?), stumbling around and mumbling incoherently about the singing penguins and the juggling mice. (Hey it's my heat-induced hallucination). Thankfully they've been giving us an extra break around one and some days they buy cases of Gatorade for us. So that is nice. Someone last week also snuck into the break room and lowered the thermostat 5 degrees. But I don't know who that was.

Hopefully today will be a day of relaxation. We need it.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Take My Face Off the Milk Carton.

So i havent blogged in forever. lots going on. Mags was again hospitalized and this time it was pretty bad. She spent a week in Intensive Care. She is now back to work and feeling better. Finally. She has been sick so very long and now, hopefully, she's back on track. It's hard to see someone you care about go through this. Harder still is when people ask you how she is and then say "she's still sick?? How can that be?" They just don't understand.

So work is busy, lots going on. We had yesterday off and the company had an "Employee Appreciation Day" at the local park. lots of food and an intense game of WiffleBall. lots of fun. Plus we got paid for the day. What could be better than that.

B.P. is continuing to destroy the planet, thanks for that guys. May the maggots of twenty dead manatees infest your underwear drawer.

Ive already watered my poor lawn. We are in kind of a drought situation here in Jersey. Scorching heat for two weeks and no rain in sight until next week. The forecast has several times promised rain but the rain just passes us by. Gonna be in the 90's from Sunday until Wednesday, when it may rain. Maybe.

So the boys from America are out of the World Cup. Thanks in no small part to the shitty officiating. Bad calls and non-calls sunk us again. And to the referees, see above regarding the whole underwear drawer thing.
Don't know whats going on this weekend. Might go to the shore tonight to walk the boardwalk. Playing it by ear.

So thats it. Hopefully I can get motivated to write more often. The news is full of crazy crap so we'll see.