Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Maybe BP is the Root of All Evil

Well things are rolling along at a placid pace here in my little slice of the scorched Atlantic corridor. We just watched the end of the PBS special regarding Sir Paul and his appearance at the White House. This guy still puts on a great show. We missed the first hour whilst catching up on "Rescue Me" but thankfully we are in a certain area of the country where we have three different PBS feeds and it will be repeated at 10 so I set up the DVR. God I love that DVR machine thingy. Technology...

Speaking of technology. I was sitting with some of my coworkers before clocking in and we were discussing the BP fiasco. I said "it is amazing that we have the technology to build a spacecraft, send that spacecraft on a five-year journey to Mars, the machine will rove the terrain of this far-away planet and even collect and analyze soil samples for goodness sakes! Why can't we fix a f**king hole in the ground??"
My coworker Tom, an older gentleman who is very cool and very wise looked at me and simply said "that's because BP didn't design the Mars Rover." So true Tom. So true.
Can you imagine if BP did design the Mars Rover? It would be gone for ten years and when it finally touched down it would be in a sand trap on a golf course in Tempe and when the soil samples came back, the folks at "BP Mission Control" would be pissing themselves with excitement because "the terrain on Mars is just like the terrain in Arizona!!" Meanwhile poor ol' retiree Albert is trying to pry the rover off his golf ball which laded in the trap ten seconds ahead of the misguided MarsCraft.
Suddenly though, as Albert is just about to wedge his new Titleist free from the foot of the Mars Rover, it would spring a leak and spray Albert with a mixture of oil and "hi-test" rocket fuel. Killing him instantly and destroying every blade of grass and living creature in the confines of the "Happy Hills Retirement Community". It would then rise up powered by the remaining fuel, spiral out of control and crash into the densest, driest parcel of forest and start a forest fire that will for all intensive purposes, destroy the entire west coast, burning it to a crisp.
Then, under intense scrutiny from everyone from the concerned citizens that are left alive, the EPA, President Obama and those yeast-infected wingnuts on 'the View', the latest in what will be a long string of successors to the BP throne will up-sticks and quit, all the while whining about how he "just wants his life back."
(As I am sure the people who died in the oil-rig explosion do.)

On top of all this, rumor has it BP was pivotal in the release of mass murderer Abdel Baset al-Megrahi, on a 'compassion' pass or something because the cock-bag supposedly had three months to live, due to prostate cancer. You'll be consumed with joy to know that a doctor has since checked Killer-Abdel out and he seems to be okay, may even live another ten years. Awesome. Just think how many more planes you can blow out of the sky in ten years. But hey, BP can drill for oil in Libya now. High-fives all around. I don't know all the details but here is an interesting article
Uggh maybe Im just angry at the crazy crap going on around with these dipshits...

1 comment:

Jud said...

Hopefully the natural cycle will take of whatever oil remains. The Gulf is close, but in terms of geography and in my heart. I love it. I love the sand and surf, the smell of salt air. I love the red snapper, grouper, mullet, bonita, crabs, and shrimp. And so much more.