Friday, October 16, 2009

Thank God This Little Monster is Off The Street!! PHEW!!!

That was sarcasm by the way. Some time ago I spoke of things in the news that make me say "Are you f*cking kidding me??." This is one of them.

In Delaware a six-year old boyo, seen here with his Mum and Dad, was suspended for bringing a Boy Scout knife, sorry 'camping utensil' to school to eat with. Well, not a knife, you a combo-Swiss army type thing. Spoon, fork, knife, sewing kit, frying pan, trampoline...they all fold out... don't make me draw you guys a picture.

So anyways, young Zach had just become a Boy Scout and was proudly showing off his new Boy Scout camping utensil, and rather than covering his face in the blood of a freshly killed Doe, running his flag up the pole in the school yard, taking over the school screaming, "I'm in charge of this shit now mofos!", ( as officials feared was going to happen when they saw the spoon part of said weapon of destruction) he was simply planning on eating lunch with it. You know, fork, knife, spoon...

School officials decided that the wee lad had violated it's zero-tolerance policy on weapons and suspended him and decided he should serve 45 days in the districts reform school. Honest. Stop laughing, it's true..

Again, are you fucking kidding me? 45 days in a reform school for a camping utensil?? The little dude is 6 years old. It is a camping utensil, it's not even really a knife. OK, there's a knife in there somewhere between the emergency blanket and carrot-peeler. But really, the knife is not quite big enough to slice through Mondays special of Crab cakes and Macaroni, although some eyewitnesses swear they saw the carrots tremble.

He actually had to go before a disciplinary committee with character witnesses. How does a 6 year-old find character witnesses? His mom, of course, her fiancee, Zach's Karate instructor. That of course didn't help, because Zach was in Karate, the committee assumed, he was lookin' for trouble.
Zach's Elmo doll was called but his only complaint was that Zach snored and was a bit of a blanket-hog
The committee got past that and did seem to soften until Zach's Rugby coach came up to speak. "Zach has a big heart and he never quits. He's a team player that gives his all. I love this freakin' kid!" In closing though, he referred to Zach by his on-pitch moniker, maybe hurting his case "MadDog would never hurt a fly." At which point the panel all looked over at Zach and nodded. Politely.

"There is no parent who wants to get a phone call where they hear that their child no longer has two good seeing eyes because there was a scuffle and someone pulled out a knife,” said George Evans, the president of the Christina district’s school board. He defended the decision, but added that the board might adjust the rules when it comes to younger children like Zachary.
"He pulls that knife out and there is no telling what will happen. Don't forget. He's a Boy Scout. Before we know it he'll be whipping up a campfire, tying snares, trapping bears, training the bear to attack his playground rivals, snapping asses with the emergency blanket....just causing mayhem. We can't have mayhem."

So young MadDog waits, as do his parents, for an outcome to their appeal. Hopefully, the school board will overturn their stupid-ass decision and let the little guy go back to school.


Jud said...

Well, I am sure that the little fellow will learn lots of things in reform school, like how to smoke, how to make a shiv out of a pencil stub and old bubble gum, and how to make babies.

Good job, zero tolerance policy!

Madam Z said...

This is certainly a sad commentary on what we have become. A nation of people frightened of their own shadows. A nation of administrators unwilling to use their heads, but just blindly adhere to "rules." That president of the district's school board sounds like he needs to go back to school.

Madam Z said...

Connor, did you ever hear how this turned out? It breaks my heart to think of this little guy in reform school!

P.S. How is Mags doing? All well now, I hope!