Why Must I Live So Far From the Sun?

So I ventured out today to do an errand or two and discovered that is approximately 4 degrees outside. You'll notice, or you may not, the widget on the side of my blog saying it is like 23 degrees here. (Now please fight the urge to come and find me based on my weather widget, resist..be strong....)

Well, that temperature is without the gusting winds. The 'wind-chill' factor, which is what the temperature 'feels' like, is about 4. Yes four. quatro, and not Audi Quattro. four. Four freakin degrees. 

I know I could have it worse. I could live up in the Great White North like Raymi where it is  probably, I dunno, 70 below. Snowdrifts that are as high as houses, polar bears roaming the streets...Okay maybe I'm stretching it with the polar bears....

I am no longer built for this shit. I'm still built the same way, but I just think that I'd like global warming to speed it up a little. I enjoy wearing a pair of shorts and a tshirt. Not three layers of insulated clothes, a knit hat, jacket, boots...noI need the spring and the warmth it brings. Why can't the Earth be hit be a meteorite and just 'bumped up' a little in the Solar System? A little closer to the sun? Really, as long as the meteorite hit a  desolate and unimportant place on the globe, such as say, Australia, would it be awful? Of course, if it landed in America the government would find a way to tax us and then once we got closer to the sun, we'd be paying a 'convenience' fee to NASA or some shit. 

Look, the easiest way to rectify this dilemma is to win the lottery and move to the Caribbean. Aah..warm sunny days, cold beer on the beach....crap then there's hurricanes and bugs....

Oh man, forget it. Pass me my mittens would ya?