Friday, September 12, 2008

You Are Kidding Me, RIght?

Okay. I've talked about the slag next door and her ducks. Yes, I live in a regualr ol' neighborhood, you know with cars and houses and all. Nothing that resembles a farm, petting zoo or a third world country (yet). The houses are actually very close to each other and most of the folks here are somewhat respectful of this fact. The crazy next door however, is another story. At some point she thought it might be a good idea to have a pet duck. Yes, a duck. This was three years ago. Since then, the flock has expanded. There are now, probably four or five ducks. They come into my yard from the back of her property because the fence she fought City Hall to have is incomplete. The feathered fuckers just waddle through the underbrush and come into my yard. They squawk, squat, crap, shed feathers, lay eggs in my yard and drive CrazyDog bonkers. A call was placed to the township and we were told that owning ducks was okay. Not against the law at all. Okay, whatever. Maybe she's playing the "I'm a poor, widowed, immigrant mother of three..and one of my kids is retarded, " card. So the Township looks the other way. Poor old slag....tsktsk.. Do I sound angry?? Just wait. It gets better.
The other day I was in the kitchen and peeked out into my freshly mowed lawn. I spied something odd at the bird feeder. I had to look twice because I thought I saw a rooster. 'Naw..nobody in a tiny little development where houses are four feet apart could own a rooster.."
Well the very next morning, at 5 minutes before 6 we were awakened by a bizarre sound. I peek out the bathroom window and sure enough, the rooster is in our yard, crowing or cockadoodledoodling, or whatever the fuck they do, away. I run out and chase the little prick away and guess where he goes? Yes. Right back to Manalapan's little slice of third world fucking Havana. The comb-headed cockbag starts this shit at 6am every morning.
Now thinking about silly stuff, like I dunno, a sound ordinance or maybe owning a yard full of bar yard fucking animals must be against the law, we call the Township and are otherwise. "Sure you can own ducks, roosters, llamas, an Alpaca, whatever man..." we're told. "If the rooster is bothering you need to call the Health Department." we did and we are now told a letter will be sent to the offending rooster owner and if the bird continues to disturb us we must take her dingy ass (the Slag, not the rooster) to court and sue her.
We are paying almost three thousand dollars a year in fucking taxes and this is the shit I have to put up with?? Seriously?? If I were living in one of those McMansions up off route 9, the Mayor would come out and kill the bird herself with a paperclip and a take-out menu, but since we're in a lower tax bracket, we can go spit...nice.

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